I don't have much time once again, so I will try to be brief.  But for the moment, I just feel the need to vent.  This weeked was really hard for me.  I went home and was excited because my dad had returned from Asia.  But rather than everything finally coming together and relaxing, things were just as crazy, or worse.  I got up Saturday morning and worked on homework for two hours straight (it was reading).  Unfortunately, I had enough homework to last me at least 4 hours.  Well, I decided to take a break and get some stuff done for the family, and, well, never got back to my homework.  My dad wanted to put together a presentation of his pictures from the trip.  But nothing worked as it should, and I ended up working on it for about 5 hours over the course of the weekend.  Yuck!  That is not what I wanted to do with my time.

I don't know, that sounds like such a little thing.  And normaly, it would be fine.  But this has happened every weekend for over a month now, and then I have to come back to school and work like mad to get everything done.  My grades are not where they should be and although I can't blame it on this entirely, it sure isn't helping.  I don't know, I think part of it is just the fact that I want to be able to go home on the weekend, and be able to slow down life a little bit.  Your home is supposed to be the place where you can most be yourself-comfortable with who you are.  But it's not anymore.  Home now seems like a place where I have to put up a front more than anywhere else.  Part of me says that I'm simply overreacting and being dramatic-that life is tough at times, but if you shrug it offf, things always pass.  But I feel like I've been shrugging it off for a long time, and it's only worsened.  I feel horrible saying that.  I mean, I know life isn't about me, and I really need to learn to just stop being so selfish and think about the other people around me.  My mom and dad are both going through some really tough trials right now, and I should be there to support them and make their jobs easier.  But I'm tired.  I'm trying to be strong, but I don't think I'm doing a very good job.

Honestly, I feel more weak and vulnerable than ever before, and that's not something I'm proud of.  I wish I knew how to fix it.  I look back at myself throughout my life, and wonder who I even am now.  I feel so. . . dead.  Like all the energy and life that I used to see has  been drained to an empty well.  I don't want to be this way.  I don't like this part of me.  I am lucky enough to have friends who are greatly encouraging-they are such a blessing.  And I know that time heals all, and if I keep praying about it, God will answer.  He always has and always will-I truly believe that.  But right now I'm really struggling to see the light at the end of this tunnel.  And I'm willing to keep walking, but for how long?

I'm sorry, I know I'm not very entertaining right now.  I usually like to post things that are happy, uplifting, and encouraging, but I just had to get out and vent.  My next post will be much better, I promise.